27th Aug, 2017

During my (almost) 3 or so years here, I've been quite happy.

Happy with a question mark.

I went through a decent amount of stuff. Some of this stuff include:

• Getting friends
• Losing friends
• Getting a relationship
• Losing said relationship
• Getting good grades
• Getting bad grades
• My family almost falling apart

But anyway, just regular preteen stuff; but amplified by 10x.

At this very moment, I'm happy, but a better word for it might be 'content.'

I'm content about where I am in life, I can see that I should start to worry as I graduate from high school within 5 years, but that's a problem for future me! For now, I'm quite satisfied with my grades and where I stand in life.

I'm just greatly average.

Now, I've always wanted to over-achieve, to be better than everyone else. I want to excel and achieve success earlier than everyone my age, and in a way I have.

I'm younger by 2 years compared to everyone in my year level and I've gotten slightly above average marks for subjects that I care about.

But of course, I want more. I always do.

I'm never satisfied with where I am and I always, always try to push myself over the limit. It always goes off without any problems when I kick myself into overdrive, but recently I just crushed myself under the pressure of everything; mainly the pressure that I applied to myself.

A friend suggested I go see the school counsellor, so I did. She helped a tiny bit, I had the privilege of crying in a school office, that was a really cool experience for me. I had gone through a lot but I will go through a lot more, and I want to prepare myself for the future. So this is the blog where I vent and cry.